July272011
Teenage Vows
‘You’re my first and my last,’
‘I love you, always and forever.’
Three years later they ended that relationship.
She broke it off with claims that she no longer felt the same way, he brushed the claims off as impulsiveness brought on by the distance between them for he was in a different timezone altogether, half the world away.
‘You’ll get over it, you just don’t know what you want,’
She hated how he said it with such confidence, as though he knew her. Then again, he probably believed that he did, but in truth he didn’t know her at all, not the slightest bit. It was a fact that she didn’t know what she wanted, she has always been indecisive. However, it was clear what she didn’t want and wasn’t that enough?
Three years they spent together sharing every moment like adolescent lovers (which mind you, they were). So if it was a rash decision that lead to their split, why did she cherish every second she had alone as though it was her last dying breath? It wasn’t spontaneous, it was a cold weighted decision that had been brewing in the deep abyss of her mind the moment the infatuation wore off. She thought she loved him but it was just how he looked in the light.
‘You told me you loved me, so it was all just a lie?’
As hard as it was to believe, it wasn’t. When she uttered the words she meant it entirely, of that she had no doubt. Looking back she should have been more careful with her selection of words as those were said in haste, but she lived in the moment and to be careful in loving someone felt absurd to her. Plus it didn’t change the fact that she did feel that way then.
How we feel in a certain moment in time is the product of the battle between mind and soul. In matters regarding love, one would be asked to follow their heart, and make no mistake that this was exactly what she did.
‘I want to marry you, you’re the girl of my dreams’
‘You can never see clearly in your dreams.’
She should have sensed it back then, ended it sooner. Perhaps then things wouldn’t have been as messy as they were now. A teenage vow to always love each other was made in the back of his car, but he didn’t know her enough to see the hesitation in the way she twisted her fingers into a dead knot. Till tonight do us part, she whispered. He didn’t hear a thing.
With everything said and done, the friendship was broken along with the courtship, for there was no friendship to begin with. Still, she regretted nothing. Being in love, no matter how small the time frame always impacts us in some way. She had changed, and it was a good thing. Despite all the accusations and the words of hate thrown at her, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity she was free of most of her insecurities and the restrictions he put on her. Inhale. Exhale. She could breathe.
Tags: /Alexis
